YOU
SAID IT
Q. What’s the most popular
Department at the Mime Department Store?
A. Unmentionables
THE BRIDGE BUILDER
An old man going along
a highway
Came in the evening cold
and gray
To a chasm vast and deep
and wide,
Through which was flowing
a sullen tide.
The old man crosses in
the twilight dim,
The sullen stream had
no fears for him,
But he stopped when safe
on the other side
And built a bridge to
span the tide.
“Old man,” said a fellow
pilgrim near,
“You are wasting your
strength with building here;
Your journey will end
with the ending day,
You never again will
pass this way,
You’ve crosses the chasm
deep and wide,
Why build you this bridge
at evening tide?”
The builder lifted his
old gray head,
“Good friend, in the
path I have come,” he said,
“There followeth after
me today
A youth whose feet must
pass this way,
This Chasm which has
been as naught to me
To that fair-haired youth
might a pitfall be,
He, too, must cross in
the twilight dim,
Good friend, I am building
the bridge for him.”
—William Allen Dromgoole
DON’T KNOW WHO SAID IT…
It’s better to be over
the hill than under it!
A Good sense of humor
is essential to deal with the world’s reality.
Some succeed because they
are destined to, but most succeed because they are determined to.
HUH – WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Michael Vick, quarterback
of the Atlanta Falcons, on the secret of his success: “I have two weapons
— my legs, my arms and my brains.”
FROM ART BUCKWALD
“An ambitious and aggressive
mother conned pianist Arthur Rubinstein into listening to her ten-year-old
son murder a nocturne by Chopin. At the conclusion of the massacre, Rubinstein
announced, “Madam, that is undoubtedly the worst piano playing I ever heard.”
Whereupon the mother nodded happily and told her son, “You see, stupid?
Now will you give up those expensive piano lessons and try out for the
Little League baseball team?”
FROM DAVID LETTERMAN
“CBS cancelled twelve
shows. This network has tested more bombs than India.”
and…
“The real trouble started
when we got the contestants mixed up for the dumb human tricks and the
stupid pet tricks. They look so much alike.”
AND FINALLY…
H.J. Heinz has announced
plan to lay off three thousand workers. According to a company spokesman,
employees who refuse to budge will be turned over and shaken vigorously
until the slide out.
—Norm MacDonald
END
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